Introduction:
What is resilience? It is the ability to dust yourself off and try again in the face of challenges or defeat. Resilience allows humans to adapt to stress and recover in order to pursue high interest goals.
Resilience is strongly linked to mental health for adolescents and adults. Resilience decreases stress, anxiety, depression and increases mental well-being. A lack of resilience is shown to negatively impact confidence, stress, goal-seeking, motivation, and mental health. Resilience is a skill that adolescents must develop in order increase chances of successful assimilation into adulthood. According to the Journal of Child Development, an analysis of 97,000 students showed that those who participated in a resilience program were 11% more likely to graduate from college and were less likely to suffer from mental health problems or be arrested.
Are you a caring adult that wants to help optimize resilience building in young adults? Here are four strategies for you to try:
Humans are only able to develop resilience through experiencing challenges, setbacks, and failures. The same is true for teens. It is important to let adolescents try (and fail) in school, sports, arts, hobbies, home life, etc. Research shows that teens who fear failure experience lower life satisfaction and higher rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout. It is critical for young people to believe in their ability to take on a task, and try again if they struggle. This instinct comes from a sense of self-efficacy, which is the confidence in one’s abilities, and internal motivation, which is the self-fueled determination to pursue a goal in spite of perceived challenge or difficulty. Adolescents who are self-directed in pursuing a goal are more likely to persist and overcome obstacles. Caring adults, allow the young people in your life to choose appropriate goals for themselves and don’t try to swoop in and fix things when the path to the goal gets hard. The struggle is where adolescents can experience the most growth.
2. Praise Effort Over Outcome
In relation to the first strategy, it is important for caring adults to tailor the way they speak about resilience and challenges in the presence of young people. Praising effort over outcomes bolsters resilience. It affirms the importance of the youth putting themselves outside of their comfort zone in pursuit of something they care about. When it comes to resilience, outcomes can be variable, but consistent effort is non-negotiable. Caring adults, instead of praising or criticizing outcomes, (e.g. “Wow you got a 95% on that test? You are so smart.” or “Why did you lose that game? That team wasn’t better than you.”) show your teen that you are a witness to their hard work, no matter the result.
Examples can look like:
“You studied so hard for that test. You put in a lot of effort and time. I am so impressed by your determination to succeed.”
“I see you shooting hoops in the backyard after your game. I am inspired by how much effort you are putting into mastering your craft.”
3. Encourage Reflective Thinking
Reflective thinking, also known as metacognition, is a process that elevates self-awareness through questioning assumptions, beliefs and perspectives in order to develop higher order thinking and decision-making skills. It helps humans to process their own experiences and find means of improvement where possible. It challenges us to critically assess our understanding of self and in turn encourage more values-based action. When it comes to maintaining resilience, reflecting on past successes and failures is imperative. As a caring adult, you can help the adolescents in your life build grit through engaging them in conversations around their experiences — what they are proud of, what they want to do better, and how they will make it happen.
Sample questions:
“What are you proud of yourself for handling and why?”
“How did you overcome that obstacle?”
“What did you learn from that experience?”
“What do you think you can try next time?”
“What are you going to have to do to get to where you want to be?”
“How are you going to get there?”
4. Model Resilient Behavior
Adolescents learn through example. If you are a caring adult who wants the teens in your life to develop resilience, you have to be willing to show them a firsthand account of what resilience looks like. That can either be through action, through sharing stories, or both. For tips on how to model resilient behavior, check out our article on how to be a positive example for young people to follow.
Caring adults – do you want more resources on how to help teens develop and thrive in school, work, and life? Check out our accredited youth coaching trainings for more information.
